i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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