just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
