this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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