Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
