pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
