i can't believe i had my finger in that
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
