I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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