I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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