Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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