I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
