drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
