She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
