i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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