took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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