took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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