Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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