Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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