i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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