We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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