So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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