Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
