Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
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please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
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STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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