I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
