We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
