her vagine was all disorganized.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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