well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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