I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
