Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
