Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
