Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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