sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
