Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my being single is dangerous.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
