think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
