she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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