your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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