That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
