If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
