He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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