They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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