Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
