you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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