The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
