i already hear my dad disowning me
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize