my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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