Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
