i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
