idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
