i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
