I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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