Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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