imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
