she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
