I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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