I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
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Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
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I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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