Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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