uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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