Can i not drive my cunt home
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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