Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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