i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
