Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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