Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
