She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
