Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
