it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We had to coat check the pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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