No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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