i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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