You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
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I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
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Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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