In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
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I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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