what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
