I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize