DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
