Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he fucked my hip out of place.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
