walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
