Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
