i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
