What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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