if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
