six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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