i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
