I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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