this boner is exhausting
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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