U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
