Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
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You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize